Earlier Heaven: To Keep Me Warm
by BrilliantDarkness
Summary: "A happy family is but an earlier heaven." - George Bernard Shaw. Nothing stops time from moving or the seasons from changing but the people in our lives can alter what the seasons mean.


Jimmy had never been real fond of winter. Desolate and lonely damned time was what it was. Most of his life was a desolate and lonely damned existence for all that and winter just brought the point home harsher than any other time.

Spring was an awakening. Birds sang and flowers pushed their brave little heads above the previously frozen earth seeking the sun's warming rays. There was too much sound, too much beauty, too much life around to feel lonely or alone.

Summer was much the same. The very air vibrated with life—from bugs buzzing to frogs chirping to birds singing. So he didn't have people he was close to, the world became his company, his comfort.

Autumn was a dying but even in it, there was the mad scramble of life. Squirrels and chipmunks feverishly making preparations and the lovely colors of changing leaves filled his eyes in their one last grasp at glory.

But winter…winter was cold and hard. Winds cut through like giant blades and snow and clouds reduced his world to a colorless palette of grey and white and more grey. People ventured out as seldom as they could and the rest of the world's creatures were likewise as smart. The only thing lonelier than riding through the biting wind all alone was sitting in a hotel room or saloon alone and listening to the wind howl.

But that was all before. Before her…before them. That was winter before life filled every corner of his very world. That was winter before he knew what it was to love, to be loved, to feel so much for another person that…that he might just fall apart from how it overwhelmed him.

It had been spring when she'd come to him, the woman he thought he'd lost forever. Oh hell, he hadn't 'lost' her. He had left her. He could have stayed to fight and knowing all he did now, he wished he had.

He'd left in late summer—nearly fall when he thought on it—still warm but the nights reminded all that the chill was coming and it hadn't been far behind him when he'd come crawling to his family to lick wounds he wouldn't bring himself to tell them about. That winter had been the dreariest of his life. For all the years he had spent winter nights in the corner of some saloon or another playing poker with people he'd just as soon shoot as look at or in hotel rooms with women whose names he did not know, women who brought no relief from the winter cold, the first winter he spent knowing what else there was out there was the worst. He knew there was love and warmth and home. He knew that the cozy homes of his brothers had been within his grasp and he hadn't been man enough to hold tight to it. Misery when it's all a body knows is bad enough but misery when a glimpse of something better has been shown is just cruelty.

But spring had brought her to him. She wasn't the same woman he had left. She was bigger with her swollen belly and feet and she was battered. The courageous fire was all but gone from her. Every ounce of strength she had left was granted her by the life tenaciously growing inside of her. The life whose seed he had planted in her. When it was all said and done, he had been man enough to keep her after all.

Summer brought changes that he'd never dared to dream of. He'd had flings in summer or spring where he'd been sure he was in love but they proved to be fueled only by the heat of the season. Jimmy feared that most of all. She had come with the warming of spring and life had burst from her body in the heat of a summer day—a summer day when she had promised to love him for all time.

Change now seemed his constant companion for each day it seemed brought something new. A coo, a new cry, a new tooth, a smile…soon there should be words and steps. But the leaves beginning their colorful death throes brought him fear. The chill crept into their evenings on the porch swing. Soon wood was chopped not just for cooking but for heating the home. If the sun's warmth left and took her warmth for him with it, he just didn't think he could survive.

But it didn't. She cuddled closer to him, tighter. She sought his warmth and heat to warm her. The little one did too. The leaves fell and he gave them little notice. Their changes would not be his changes. His dreams would not die with their slumber.

Days grew colder and soon the winds began their howling. It was that howling that once made him feel so lonely…so much more alone than at any time of the year. Now…now it was a reminder of the warmth of his own hearth.

His nights no longer would be spent in a saloon or hotel. There would never again be a nameless, faceless woman chilling rather than warming his bed. Instead, he curled near the fire with her. She would bring him some tea and they would sit and watch the flames dance and they would dream as the babe slept peacefully. How odd it seemed sometimes that he had more dreams to dream now that it seemed they all had come true. When he had nothing he dreamt of nothing. Now he dreamt of everything.

But mostly he dreamt of this forever. Nights where her sweet voice would lull him into a contented stupor more relaxing and warming than any whiskey. The wind would howl and she would draw closer to him. There was never a better dream. Except the one where they were still there in their old age, still tight to each other and still dreaming, still clinging to their love and the shelter they each gave from the storms that might rage outside their door.

Jimmy no longer held contempt for winter. It could do as it pleased. It could howl and cut right through him when he had to go outside to see to chores. It could drain the colors from every inch of the world outside his door. It could freeze and snow and whatever else it felt it needed to do before spring stubbornly marched in with its equally stubborn breath of life.

He no longer cared what winter did or didn't do and wouldn't as long as his love was there to keep him warm.

* * *

**Yet another of my Christmas stories...this one featuring Jimmy as he's become with Faith and Emmy in his life. I hope you like.-J**

* * *

I've Got My Love to Keep Me Warm – Irving Berlin

The snow is snowing, the wind is blowing  
But I can weather the storm!  
What do I care how much it may storm?  
I've got my love to keep me warm.  
I can't remember a worse December  
Just watch those icicles form!  
What do I care if icicles form?  
I've got my love to keep me warm.

Off with my overcoat, off with my glove  
I need no overcoat, I'm burning with love!  
My heart's on fire, the flame grows higher  
So I will weather the storm!  
What do I care how much it may storm?  
I've got my love to keep me warm.


End file.
